I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
