He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
