i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
