found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
