2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
