She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is Oprah even human
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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