if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
porn star boner night. come get it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
