It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
