the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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