that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's no shave November. This is our time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
