I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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