Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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