You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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