I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
