On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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