i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
