Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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