I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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