***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
