Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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