he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
