she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize