i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
