Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
