Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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