he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
