There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
