He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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