Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
