I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
