Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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