my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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