Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
