I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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