I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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