just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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