I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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