I think I won the penis lottery.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
