Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
