I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
