My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
