I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
