I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
