tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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