I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
