I wannas sexs uuuuu
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
