WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
