i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
