I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
