I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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