Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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