oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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