Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
