Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
