I just cut my nipple shaving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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