OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
