Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
