Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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