Please, let me fuck your mom
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
