I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
