Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
