One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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