Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
