He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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