so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
