also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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