So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I deserve this hangover.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
