You're my little dorito
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
